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Supporting Grieving Children

Supporting Grieving Children

Written by Marny Williams

Watching a child grieve the death of someone special in their life can be devastating to be witness too. As their caregiver you want to do everything you possibly can to help them and ease their pain. Understanding the dynamics of children’s grief can empower you to model good grief, support their needs and be present for their journey.

These are few guidelines and information regarding children’s grief
  • Children ask repetitive questions
    • As difficult as it is to answer the same question over and over, it is important to be consistent and to answer as best as you can. This will help your child understand what has happened.
  • Answer only what is being asked. Sometimes giving too much information may overwhelm the child. Go by their lead. Answer only what is asked.
    • Answer the questions according to their age. The younger the child, the less details you need to share. Help them to understand the basics.
    • Use correct language, dead, died, disease or exact name of disease (cancer, heart attack) 
      • Some suggestions of what not to say
        • “Mommy has gone to sleep”
        • “They have gone on a long trip”
        • “Now that Daddy is gone, you are now the man of the house and need to take care of Mommy” 
    • Be honest, if you do not know the answer tell them that. Let them know that you do not know the answer but that you will find one and get back to them.  
  • Make sure all members of the family are telling the children the same story. This will help to lessen confusion in the child’s mind.
  • Each child’s grief experience will be different/unique. If you have more than one child, each child will grieve differently according to their age, sex and understanding. You will need to meet each child where they are on their journey.
  • They will grieve over many years as their developmental stages change. As they age, mature and understand more, their questions will change. Remember to answer their questions age appropriately.
  • Children need to tell their story. Help to provide them with the opportunity to share their feelings, memories and concerns. Just as you need to share your story, so does your child(ren)
  • Children will grieve more sporadically than adults. It can be very intense for a short period of time and end abruptly. This is ok and how children grieve.
  • They may incorporate death into their play.
  • A child’s relationship with the deceased will be reworked at each developmental stage of life
  • Children need a safe place where they can cry, laugh, express emotions

“The greatest gift you can give your children is not protection from change, loss, pain or stress, but the confidence and tools to cope with all that life has to offer them” (Harpham, 1997)

“A child can live through anything, so long as he or she is told the truth and is allowed to share with loved ones the natural feelings people have then they are suffering.” (LeShan, 1976)

Additional support and resources can be found at:

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